


don't fuck with your tone

by shizuoh



Series: stucky things [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), First Kiss, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Time Travel, references to past movies, umm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuoh/pseuds/shizuoh
Summary: His brain and his words have changed several times over the several years. His body, too. Almost every part of him is brand new, and altered, and changed in a way that neither of them can ever get back.But his eyes. His eyes tell the same story.(or: the endgame ending we all deserved)





	don't fuck with your tone

**Author's Note:**

> we all know why you're here

In the old days Bucky was a ball of energy but Steve was even more so. Every scrape and tear on is body would be bandaged up with whatever they had, and when they were kids sometimes it was Bucky who would be crying even if nobody even punched him. Steve would smack at his face with tissues and laugh and tell him that he's fine — _I had to take care of 'em, Buck, they were pickin' on the lil' kids!_  — and that Bucky's bigger and stronger than him so there's no reason to be sad. Bucky would just look at him with those big eyes, glassy, and he'd sniffle and say  _No I ain't cryin' . . . didn't your mother always say to quit fibbin', Rogers?_

As the two grew up and never separated those eyes began to change, but always retained the same look. They shifted to a new light — one filled with more clarity, more knowledge surrounding the world, more emotions. Sometimes he'd stare at Steve and Steve wouldn't know how to feel, because he'd fidget and squirm under the stare because he couldn't quite figure out just what hid underneath the lids. He was small and Bucky staring made him feel even smaller but bigger at the same time. Bucky would be smiling and laughing and flirting with every girl he laid eyes on but he never gave those girls the same stares; those were reserved for Steve.

When the war came around and Steve got shot up real big and mighty those eyes hardened. They didn't look at him as often but when they did they were always filled with something intangible, unintelligible. He would look at Steve like he didn't even know him but he did, because the second he laid those eyes on him in that lab he  _knew,_  and he couldn't hide the way his hands clutched onto Steve's biceps when he hauled him out of that room. And even with Bucky's sleepless nights he couldn't hide. He turned and ignored Steve at every corner but his eyes couldn't lie. It was like they were kids — his eyes were too glassy, too much like a window. When Agent Carter had stepped through those bar doors wearing the pretty red dress Bucky's eyes were the same, but angrier. When they were en route to their mission they were the same, but softer. And when Bucky fell from that train they were the same, again, and quickly disappearing.

Seventy years go by and the man of his dreams wreaked havoc across the city. Steve would've felt flattered if it were not for the constant attempted knifery in his face. When the mask came off —  _who the hell is Bucky?_  — and those same eyes were boring into his, that glassy look was gone but the light was still there. The Winter Soldier did not understand emotion but he had Bucky's eyes, god, he had Bucky's mannerisms, and those couldn't lie. Steve would see him blink several times in one second like he always did whenever he was confused. His eyes would shift from left to right like they always did whenever he was tangled up in something he couldn't smooth-talk his way out of. And even with a bloody face and a blurry vision Steve could see those eyes. This may be the Winter Soldier but it was Bucky too, and he will take both, he'll always take both, if it means getting to hold his best mate in his arms again — even if these arms are cold, and rough, and too muscled than they should be, and even as they're clutching his suit and beating him into the ground.

And he healed after those wounds, but the scar that never heals is having to see Bucky leave him over and over and over again. They tell him  _there's nothing you can do_  but he knew, he  _knew_  there was something, something to prevent all this.

The worst time was when he finally had him back, the one person he's ever loved like this, ever thought of like this — and then a snap of a bastard's fingers reduces him to dust, like he was nothing special, like he never existed in the first place, like the mere thought of him had not kept Steve alive all this time. And he didn't even  _see_  his eyes that time. His face was already gone, ashes, by the time he turns around at the sound of his voice, at the sound of the wind carrying the proof that he existed away. After all of his progress, his life experiences, his  _programming_. . . Steve is left to gather the ashes from the ground and cradle them in his arms like it'll somehow bring Bucky back. His last words —  _Steve?_ — replay in his mind for the next five years. He thought killing Thanos fixed it but it doesn't, and he listened to survivors talk about their loved ones and he nodded and said _We all have to move on_  but nobody moved on, and they all knew that. How could he move on when he saw his best mate die in front of him over and over and over, and him, the most unworthy of them all, was left to breathe in the dust of those vanished for years past? Bucky was always the one who had wanted to see the world, to experience it for himself, while Steve was the sickly one, the poor one, the one to be left behind because some days he couldn't even get out of bed without help.  

Steve isn't sure what to think now, as he stands on this portal with the Infinity Stones in a fucking  _briefcase,_ his old best friend and his new one both looking up at him. Sam's eyes are warm but Bucky's are unsure — not cold, but scared. His expression is tight and he tries to hide it by masking himself with a blank expression but his eyes never lie. They never once lied — not as the Winter Soldier, and definitely not now. They're glassy again, big like they were kids, when Steve got beat up within an inch of his life and Bucky had to run over to clean up the mess. Steve thinks it's similar to that now, too. Watching Bucky step out that portal to save his ass was like seeing him when they were kids all over again, and all he wanted to do was to run up and kiss him full on the lips like a sap but it wasn't the time for that, and it sure isn't now. Steve thinks maybe he has the time to run down and kiss him right now, in front of his friends, but Bruce is already firing up the machine, so Steve gives Bucky a smile and he's gone in an instant.

 

* * *

 

Bucky's breathing is failing him when Steve disappears. His arms are folded across his chest and he's squeezing like it'll bring back the hug his best friend just gave him. It's only been a few seconds but he's already panicking, when he shouldn't be — _god James you're so stupid, stop_  — because Steve can go back and live his life and do whatever he wants because fucking _time travel_  is possible now.

Bruce is talking about how Steve missed his jump and his throat all but closes up. He closes his eyes shut. His blood is rushing in his ears and Sam is saying something but he's not paying attention. He wants to turn and walk away but his feet are rooted to the ground, and he feels like he's going to disintegrate into ash again at any given moment. But then there's a flash, a light, and Sam is exhaling in relief.

He doesn't want to open his eyes.

"Buck."

He doesn't.

"Buck, you okay?"

He lets out the breath he had been holding in his chest, and it comes out shakily. "You could've stayed."

". . . I know."

"Why didn't you? You could've had the life you always dreamed of—" he's rambling now, and he doesn't have half a mind of be embarrassed about it, "—didn't Stark tell you to live the normal life? You coulda settled down with a dame, like Miss Carter, back in the 40s, but you're back here in this  _shithole_ , and—"

Two hands cupping his face stop him, and he closes his mouth abruptly.

"Bucky, please open your eyes."

He almost doesn't, but Steve sounds so  _stupidly_  sentimental that he does, and he almost regrets it when he sees the way Steve's looking at him. It's too much emotion, more than he's prepared to handle.

"My  _normal_  is with you," he says, his voice low, and soft. "There's never been a moment where I  _ever_  considered living a life without you. I was miserable when you were gone. You really think I would have left you after all this time? After everything I've done for you? You have to know what it means by now."

He crosses his arms, shrugs, just to be contrary.

"I'd walk with you forever. And nobody can touch me because I love you, because no matter what I'd choose _you._  There is no life without you, Bucky."

 _Now_  he's embarrassed. He hopes Sam and Bruce aren't still watching. "I think you need your spelling checked, Captain," he says, voice wobbling.

Steve scoffs, and shakes his head. "Would you let me kiss you already?"

"I dunno. I kinda like hearing you talk about how much you love me."

"Why don't I show you instead?"

Oh, the stupid idiot. Bucky grabs him by the front of his dumbass suit and kisses him, hard and demanding, taking what should've been his before the stupid war. If Sam and Bruce weren't watching before, they definitely are now, with the way they're putting on this show, all out in the open like this. Steve has always been one for dramatic flair, but it's okay, because he is too.

When they pull away, Steve's breath is hot on his face. He smiles, and says, "Are you crying?"

"No. I'm not. Didn't your mother ever tell you to quit fibbin', Rogers?"

 

* * *

 

(Later that day, Steve hands Sam the fixed-up shield he snagged from one of the timelines.

"Try it on.")

 

**Author's Note:**

> we're ALL crying c'mere and hold my hand bitch it's gonna be ok.
> 
> [tumblr](http://haikuyus.tumblr.com/)


End file.
